The Local
Hey man, you new here?
One of my favorite magazines I used to read as I skied and snowboarded my way through my 20’s was Powder. It’s a great ski mag that just started publishing again last year! Inside was “The Jaded Local,” a regularly appearing homage to all the skibros who might have overstayed their welcome in a little mountain town somewhere. This piece is an homage to that homage. Say hello to The Local, from Eugene, Oregon.
Hey bro, you new here? I haven’t seen you around Cowfish before. Enjoying the music? Yeah me too; these go-go dancers are wild, man. Normally I’d be over at John Henry’s slamming back whiskey shots but a guy’s gotta try and expand his tastes. I couldn’t help but notice your goggle tan line. It’s decent, at least in this town. Gettin’ in a lot of days this year? I ski up at Willy P ya know, best ski area around. Don’t tell anyone though. Between the University of California Eugene kids and all the new folk looking for the next outdoor town, it’s gettin’ crowded enough as it is. Let’em go to Hoodoo to party I say. I’ll keep the powder stashes, thanks.
You been up on the spine yet? There’s some great cliffs up there, I checked’em out today actually. Nah, I didn’t air any of them. Normally I totally would, but my knees have been killing me. The CBD cream I nabbed at Market of Choice helps when they really flare up. Turmeric helps too, so long as you add a little ground pepper to activate it. Anyone told you about turmeric?
Anyway, what do you think of Eugene so far? It’s a little gritty, but that’s the way I like it. Keeps the yuppies out of town, at least the ones that weren’t already here before the 70’s. All those old hippies are nice enough though, they tolerate my evening Jerry Garcia cover band practices in the backyard anyway. Hell, a few even came over and joined me the other night. One of the guys, Milkdud’s his name, got a little too groovy and crashed out on my couch. He made some dank breakfast burritos for us the next morning though, so it’s all good. Mmm, burritos... Makes me wish something in this town stayed open past 9 p.m.
So what’s your deal anyway? Just passing through? Oh, you moved here… got it. You’re pretty clean cut, but you seem alright. If you’re planning on sticking around you better get some scruff going on and ditch that umbrella, otherwise you’re never going to fit in. Alright new guy, I got to get outta here. Space Buds is closing soon and I’m fresh outta the good stuff. Maybe I’ll see you on the mountain. If we run into one another up there I’ll show you where the real goods are—if you can keep up.
"ditch the umbrella" is a great line.